Sunday, March 25, 2007

Remembering Our Weston on his 4th Birthday

This is a tougher post than I thought it would be. Every year on this day, I think maybe it will be easier but it never is. In fact, I think it's even harder as time passes since I'm the one who knows when his birthday is coming. This year I waited until this morning to alert my husband and child of the day and prepare for our annual release of the balloons for what would be our deceased son's 4th birthday. I know it's so hard for people because they just don't know what to say. I don't know the right thing to say to someone suffering grief after the loss of a loved one and you would think I'd be qualified. Sometimes I worry that maybe I should be further along in the whole damned grief process.

During the first couple of years after his death, when I was asked about my children, I'd tell them one living daughter and that we lost our son. Talk about make them uncomfortable and avoid me like the plague afterwards! Now I find myself saying, "We have one daughter, that's it just one daughter."
Today's birthday balloons with our love notes written and sent to Weston.

We're still a family and I have so much to be so grateful for! A precious daughter, a loving husband of 16 years and good friends who I might have never known. I think it's ironic that I read about so many fiber artists who started quilting after the birth of their child. I started sewing after the death of mine. As obsessed as I am about quilting, dollmaking and all things fabrilicious, it truly gets me through each day.



16 comments:

Natalie said...

That was beautiful, Elaine.

Sue B said...

Well I guess there is not much to say other than I'm very sorry for your loss.

Never apologize for or question where you are in your grief process. There are no rules and each person must make their way through the journey on their own terms. I wish you peace, love and light as you travel through yours.

Anna Nowicki said...

My condolences to you and your family. I know it's not the same but when I had a miscarriage before either of my current children were born I felt a tremendous loss. Occasionally even now some 22 years later (terry is 22 and Emma is nearly 20) if someone asks me how many children I catch myself still saying three! It takes time - but your son will always be with you in spirit. Lv ANNA

Anonymous said...

Elaine, I prayed for you and your family today. You are loved.
Kathy K

Judy said...

Warmest of hugs to you today! I really don't know what to say either, except that I'm sorry. Have you seen the video and book called "Tear Soup"? We watched the video in our Sunday School class a few weeks ago and then I bought the book and gave it to my niece who lost her 9 month old last year. It is a wonderful book, and talks about how people grieve differently and how the grief never goes away and you shouldn't ignore it. I'm so glad you send off the balloons for Weston every year! What a great show of love and affection for your darling little boy.
Take care and grieve when you need to!
Warmest of hugs,
Judy

Micki said...

It will always be hard no matter how long it has been, but family, friends and your love for creating your art make it a little easier.

The release of the balloons with your notes is a lovely and touching commemorative.

Susan Schrott said...

Happy 4th Birthday Weston. I know your mother, father and sister are with you now and forever. Your mother is a blessed and truly wonderful human being.

Susan Schrott said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Susan Schrott said...

Elaine..So nice to hear from you again. Biscuit is a teacup maltese. We have three small dogs: Biscuit the teacup, Muffin a maltese, and Truffles a cavalier King Charles Spaniel and a cat. Yes we are one of "those" people.

Thank you for all of your kind and flattering comments about my work...It really makes my day coming from you because I think your work and all the different creative talents you have are wonderful.
Susan

N. Rene West said...

Elaine, Your post brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry for your loss and pray that God will comfort your heart, especially during this time when memories are so strong.

SeamRippstress said...

I can't thank you all enough for words of comfort you've left me here. Your responses have hugged me warmly through the internet and you've lifted my spirits tremendously : )

CalicoDaydreams said...

I am sitting here at work and have tears in my eyes after reading your post.

I can't imagine the pain of losing someone so precious, and I am sorry for the pain you feel.

There is no time limit on grief!

My heart goes out to you and your family.

Beadiful Things said...

Take as long as you need to get through your grief. There's no right or wrong way to do it. My condolences.

Anne K. said...

I'm late with this, but thank you so much for sharing this piece of your heart. I'm sure the pain of losing your dear son may ease, but will always be a part of you. You're in my thoughts.

I've recently discovered your blog and wanted you to know that I am doing a volunteer project to make fabric "memory envelopes" for my local hospital's NICU - special folders for parents to use for keepsakes of their child's stay in the unit. I am getting many inspirational ideas on lovely embellishments and techniques from the projects you post. I hope the end result will honor these children's brief lives - much more so than, say, a manila folder. Again, thanks for your help in comforting other parents this way.

MaryWig said...

Hey kid, Weston's working his own magic on you through your artwork. Over the last four years, you've shown you've got more guts and grace in your pinkie finger (uh, hopefully you didn't sew through it) than most people have put together. Thinking about you...love & kisses...

Anonymous said...

even though this is may....
i just had to tell you that i understand about every year getting a little harder. i will keep your son's birthday in my thoughts, and send your whole family 'happy hippie vibes'